weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
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