You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
