You made me cry and you don't even care
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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