I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
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Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
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you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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