Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
