You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
