you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
