i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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