capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
