I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
