Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
