i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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