So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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