I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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