alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
