Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize