coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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