YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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