Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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