Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize