I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
