I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
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