It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
