Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize