I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize