If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
