Fuck appropriateness.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
