Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
