I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
