She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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