hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Randomize
