Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
