What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
im six kinds of drunk right now
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
