I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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