fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
me + whiskey = a bad person
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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