My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
