So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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