Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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