how can u be prego again
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Randomize
