did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
