i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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