I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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