last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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