He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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