now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
