gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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