At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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