you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
