Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
