You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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