I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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