dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
