I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize