So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I need a beard to bite.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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