So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
