Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
