She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
