Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
