Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
