I must be too annoying 4 u.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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