I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
