Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Enjoy the penises
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
