I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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