I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
