somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
