Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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