I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
