So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
