Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I think my moral compass just broke
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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