I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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