I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
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